Scrappy Raven's Nest

Quilting, sewing, knitting, fighting depression, and doing as little housework as possible.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I haven't blogged for a long time. It's been a little stressful. My daughter left for school in early September. She is only 14 and attending a boarding school. She researched the whole thing last year and initiated the whole endeavor. She was so gung -ho and being our only child we decided to make her dream come true. We're very proud of her for coping with the move so well but of course we miss her terribly. We are able to see her every other week or so as business often takes us to the city where she is. The school is fantastic and the staff are so professional and take great care of the kids.

Then I was phoned at work and an emergency doctor in Winnipeg told me my mother was dying of cancer. My mother and I have been estranged but I was devastated and went immediately to see her. She has Alzheimers as well so although she recognizes me she isn't aware of what is going on.

Through all of this knitting has been my salvation. Knitting for my daughter gives me a feeling that at least I am able to provide some motherly care for her. Knitting also keeps my nervous energy under control. Knitting is a blessing from God. I am next going to knit for charity as a way of giving back all of the blessings I have received from God. I used to knit preemie caps for the local hospital so I think I'll start there.

The last entry from Anne Shayne on the Mason Dixon knitting blog answers a fundamental question of why we knit. By knitting we create a problem solving situation. I can mostly solve knitting problems (mostly might be stretching it-throwing knitting across the room can be cathartic if nothing else) but I can't solve my mother's cancer. I can't repair our past relationship but I can knit something for her comfort. Or I can realize that there is nothing more that I can do and move on to knitting for the new baby at our church. Knitting is all about the future. It's all about moving along to the next little problem such as learning a new technique or pattern. Sometimes the solution is to rip back the knitting and pretend like the problem knitting never happened. That's the only area of my life in which I can undo a mistake and turn the stuff of life into something completely different.

My best knitting is done in silence to the rhythm of my own thoughts and feelings with the cat curled up next to me and a cup of coffee within reach. Knitting is something I do mainly for myself so that I may produce something positive out of the stress in my life. Hopefully I can pass the item on to a loved one or a stranger and let them know that someone took time to make sure they are buffered from the harsh reality of life.

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